The elder statesman of the team, Len is married with children and some disgusting habits. He learned how to play at an early age, but then came puberty and partial amnesia.

Len joined the Post Office as a tea boy and has progressed through the ranks to the T.O. (tea orderly) grade.

He plays in the front line or, as a talent scout observed, in the opponents' defence. He shows some superb flashes of skill, his only problem being to keep going after the kick-off.

Len was the subject of a £1 million transfer bid by Tommy Docherty, who has since been sacked and certified.